Thursday, 12 July 2018 11:29

What a Man Needs

Written by  Kemi Searcy
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I have been married to Kyle Christian Searcy for 27 years. We obviously have learned a lot about each other. But there are surprises around the corners as we continue to grow our relationship. Instead of presuming I know everything about men based on what I know about Kyle, I asked him to share with you directly what men need as husbands. Here’s Kyle…


“It’s no secret that men and women are created differently. We are unique chromosomally, hormonally, and emotionally. These differences can cause tension in our relationships. I often joke by saying the reason men don’t understand women, is because Adam was asleep when God made Eve.


“Seriously, there are two helpful sources I have found to understand what men and women need. The first is the Bible. God’s Word is extensive and clear on how each sex is created and the innate needs each possesses. Another source, William Harley’s book His Needs, Her Needs, shares research that spanned several different socio economic, racial, and geographic boundaries – what any man or any woman anywhere in the world would need. Let me share five things that Dr. Harley says men need. Some men will differ from this list. But generally it represents what a man needs.


1. Sexual Fulfillment

This seems obvious, but it’s important to note that a woman’s primary need is for affection, not necessarily sex.  A man has a physiological need for sex because he is constantly developing seed. No wonder Paul the Apostle spoke of the importance of this act by saying “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1Cor. 7:3-5). The best advice I have for married couples is to follow the Nike slogan…Just Do It!



2. Recreational Companionship

Men love recreation. Most men like their wives to join their fun times every now and then. Contrary to popular opinion, he loves it when his honey is there to cheer him on.


One of my passions is flying planes, I remember when my wife flew with me and became so comfortable she took a nap. It meant the world to me to have my girl in my world.  It pleases men to have their women get involved in their hobbies or pastimes.



3. Physical Attractiveness

Men are visually oriented and are drawn to beauty. First let me tell you what this does not mean. This does not mean that your husband is not satisfied with the way you look. He obviously likes the way you look because he married you. Men simply want their women to keep taking care of themselves.  Don’t try to be more than you are; just be the best you that you can be.



4. Admiration

This is a biggie. Men are saying they need respect. Ephesians 5:33 agrees with them. “Wives see that you reverence (respect) your husbands.” Every man needs to be built up and affirmed. Women naturally love, but a man’s need is respect. Find out how to make your husband feel honored, like he is the best at what he does. By the way, this is the best way to motivate a man. Try motivating him through praise and affirmation rather than criticism and cruelty. According to Dr. Harley it makes a huge difference.



5. Domestic Support

Men want a little peace and quiet in the house from time to time. When men are stressed they get quiet trying to figure things out, while women want to talk issues out. When men come home from a stressful day they want to chill a bit, to decompress before they engage in discussion. This is vital to most men.



“Dr. Harley’s list is hardly conclusive but it does provide a great foundation. I know this is one sided, but don’t worry I am sure my wife will soon write about what a woman needs. When she does, show it to your husband. Payback is sweet!”


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